This isn't how the stories go
by Nadalada
Summary: A normal girl in a ninja world. How long will she last? Barely two minutes... A one-shot about what would happen if a girl really did drop into the Akatsuki base.


**This is what, in my opinion, would really happen if a crazed Naruto fan girl dropped into the Akatsuki base.**

**Disclaimer: I own the nameless OC that I shamelessly kill off for my own purposes… but not Naruto.**

*Moo*

*Moo*

*Mo-*

I slapped my hand onto the udder shaped snooze button on my new cow alarm clock. Why my mom thought it would be a good birthday present was still a mystery to me. I rolled off my bed wincing at the harsh crack of my back then sighing in relief at the feeling of post back cracking.

I waddled into my bathroom (I'm a _little_ overweight, but only by a pound or two… or maybe ten, but ANYWAYS) and looked at my reflection. Pimples scattered over my forehead, check. Hair looking both slightly greasy and strin, check. Bags that gave my eyes that snazzy, you just got punched in the eye, look… check.

Overall it was a normal Saturday morning for me. I didn't give a damn what I looked like on the weekend so I lumbered down the stairs without bothering to shower or put on makeup. I even had my two sizes too small pyjama shorts and two sizes too big t-shirt on. Comfy and frumpy all rolled into one.

Once I had made it to the couch in front of the flat screen I glanced over to the clock and then did a double take. IT WAS TIME FOR EARLY MORNING NARUTO! I squealed happily and switch to the proper channel. My squealing turned into a disappointed sigh when I realized the show was almost over, but I decided to watch the last few minute anyways.

My squealing started up again when I saw that it was the first appearance of the Akatsuki, when there all like, assembled for the first time in seven years. I leaned closer to the T.V. in anticipation, and three things happened simultaneously.

1) My belly fat caused me to become unbalanced and I fell to the ground face first.

2) The floor beneath me, which once sported an expensive Persian rug, was now a glowing blue pit.

3) I sank into said glowing blue pit.

I felt like I was falling through sludge and it was most unpleasant. For about five minutes I sat (I had positioned myself into a cross-legged meditation position) and waited for the end to come. Finally, my ass broke free of the sludge and I, to my surprise, started falling. Usually in this situation people would flail around and panic, but not me. No, I couldn't get out of my cross-legged position, so instead of flailing, I was just panicking.

The fall was thankfully not very far and aside from a bruised tailbone, I came out unscathed. That didn't last for long, as I was immediately dragged up by my neck into a standing position than OFF THE FUCKING GROUND, by some freakishly tall person (Well, freakishly taller than my own 5ft).

As my eyes adjusted to the dark dank cave atmosphere I could make out a handsome face, amethyst eyes, and slicked back silver hair. I immediately recognized my captor… It was Hidan. OMG! I suddenly recalled various similar situations I had read about in Fan fiction and I nearly swooned at the thought of my near future.

I was going to join the Akatsuki and fall in love! The hand on my neck suddenly tightened and I became aware that Hidan was speaking, well more like yelling, to me in some strange language that I presumed was Japanese. Okay, this was a minor setback but I would roll with it for now.

Obviously angered by my lack of response, Hidan pulled my face inches from his and growled out something I didn't understand. Smiling like an idiot, I said the first thing that came to mind,

"Oh my Jashin, you are so freaking hot! I sooooo wanna have your babies!"

Disgust crossed his face, but it was not at what I said (since he didn't understand), so much as my nasty morning breath. Oops. Taking advantage of our positions I decided to fulfill my ultimate fantasy while I still had the chance.

I kissed Hidan, right on his perfect lips.

The kiss lasted for maybe a millisecond before I was thrown away from him. I skidded across the floor a few feet before coming to a full stop. I sat up, hoping to apologize to him or maybe just glomp him, but that turned out to be the worst and last mistake I would ever make in life. A kunai, souring through the air towards me, was the last thing I saw before said kunai buried itself in my forehead. My last thought? _This isn't how the stories go…_

The Akatsuki Leader stared dispassionately down at the dead body of the girl who had randomly dropped from the ceiling. No emotion crossed his face as he turned to one of his members and ordered,

"Zetsu, clean this up"

**The End, so… yeah, she gets eaten by the resident cannibal. I good way to go? I think not. I hope you guys liked it. Btw, I didn't make her chubby to make fun of chubby people. This is just a character that is a normal person and lots of normal people are chubby. True fact. Review.**


End file.
